Divorcing a Gambling Addict: What You Should Know

Like any kind of addiction, gambling can add both financial and emotional stress to a marriage. In some cases, this stress can cause the breakup of a relationship, and as the spouse of a gambling addict, it’s important to understand the challenges that may come along with a divorce.

The National Center for Responsible Gaming (NCRG) reports that about one percent of American adults have a severe gambling problem. They also observe this addiction is similar to alcohol and drug dependence in that the individual “needs to gamble more money to achieve the desired excitement” and displays “symptoms of withdrawal if gambling [is] stopped or reduced; and [the] inability to stop or reduce gambling.”

About one-third of people with gambling problems may recover on their own without formal treatment. However, experts note that people with pathological gambling problems are more likely to be divorced and have greater family dysfunction.

In fact, a study by the National Gambling Impact Study Commission reports that problem gamblers found “the lifetime divorce rate for problem gamblers was 39.5%, compared to 18.2% for the general population.” Other important statistics include:

• 80% of problem gamblers who are divorced state that gambling was a significant factor in the breakdown of their marriage
• 75% of spouses felt betrayed by their partner’s problematic gambling behavior
• 45% of problem gamblers have been divorced more than once
• 45% of problem gamblers’ children express feeling that they were neglected or abandoned

Are you wondering if your spouse has a gambling problem? Unsure of what to do next? Keep reading.

Recognizing signs of a gambling addiction

The Mayo Clinic recognizes compulsive gambling as a disorder, calling it a “serious addiction that can destroy lives.” They list signs and symptoms that signify when gambling has become a problem, including:

• Preoccupation with gambling and how to get more money
• Needing to gamble higher amounts to get the same thrills
• Trying unsuccessfully to stop gambling
• Gambling to escape feelings of anxiety, helplessness, or depression
• Gambling to attempt to win back lost money (“chasing losses”)
• Lying to loved ones about the extent of losses
• Putting important relationships, school, or job in jeopardy because of gambling
• Stealing or lying to get money for gambling

These problems can worsen as a person continually tries to recover lost money. Although most people who visit casinos or play the lottery never develop a gambling addiction, some people are more vulnerable. Experts aren’t sure why but believe biological and environmental factors could play a part.

How compulsive gambling affects a marriage

Although it is more common to hear about other types of addictions causing marital problems (such as alcoholism and drug addictions), compulsive gambling or gambling addictions also have serious impacts on marriages. Compulsive gambling often affects a relationship in much the same way as alcohol, drugs, or even adultery. Spouses face dishonesty, financial issues, and other marital stressors from the other spouse’s behavior.

Gambling addiction can destroy trust, cause a spouse to choose gambling over the family, and devastate a couple’s finances. If you are in a marriage that has gambling-related issues, you may find your marriage under constant emotional and monetary strain. Here are some of the issues that frequently arise in marriages where one spouse has a gambling addiction:

• Loss of savings or emergency funds
• Loss of assets or personal possessions
• One spouse hides money spending habits or debts accumulated from gambling
• A spouse learns that their partner owes others money that they borrowed for gambling
• Lack of trust from money and items being taken or broken promises made by a spouse
• Communication issues
• Feeling isolated, alone, or emotionally distant from a spouse and others
• One spouse taking on more of the household work and taking care of the children can lead to burnout, betrayal, resentment, and anger
• Family members and friends expressing critical assessments of the marriage if they know about the spouse’s gambling addiction

While it may take some time for a marriage to completely fall apart when a spouse has a gambling problem, this usually happens due to financial instability, trust issues, emotional isolation, feeling disconnected, and more. Many people will try to stick around and help their partners address their gambling addictions. However, if they find the behavior is not improving or their spouse does not want to seek help to stop gambling, other issues will often start to arise. Issues like emotional or physical abuse may escalate the conflict, potentially leading to a breaking point that results in divorce.

How do I approach or ask my spouse about their compulsive gambling habits?

If you want to approach or ask your spouse about their compulsive gambling habits, you should do this very carefully. Many people who have gambling-related addictions become hostile, angry, or upset when questioned about their habits. Therefore, you want to ensure that you approach the conversation cautiously and use non-judgmental language as much as possible. You can do this by:

• Making sure that you are in a private setting where others cannot hear your conversation
• Asking them whether they feel like they may have a gambling problem
• Actively listening and hearing what they have to say
• Offering your support and explaining how the problem could be fixed with professional help
• Reassuring them that you are asking because you care
• Explaining how their gambling is affecting you, your children, and other family members
• Encouraging them to seek mental health from a counselor
• Showing that you understand what they are saying and going through

If there is a possibility that you think your marriage can be saved with help from therapists and other professionals who have experience and training in gambling addictions, you should let your spouse know that you are willing to work on this problem together. However, if you know that you want a divorce and things cannot be reconciled, you should speak to an attorney about how best to proceed and protect your family.

How is property or asset division impacted by my spouse’s compulsive gambling?

Property or asset division is one of the most important parts of the divorce process. Since Maryland is an equitable property state, all marital property is subject to equitable division. This means that all items, money, and belongings you and your spouse accumulated throughout the marriage are divided in a way that the court believes is fair. Many assume that this means that everything will be split equally or down the middle. However, that is not always the case.

Therefore, if you and your spouse had a joint savings account that you both were contributing to and your spouse used a large portion of the savings on their gambling addiction, you could bring this up during the property or asset division process. After successfully showing that your spouse spent a lot of the money that you had saved, the judge may determine that they do not deserve half of the money or assets that are left.

However, you should bring this type of information to the attention of your Rockville divorce lawyer early on in the process to help your attorney gather the evidence and build an argument that you should recover more of the assets.

What steps should I take to protect myself before filing for divorce from a gambling addict?

Before you file for divorce from a gambling addict, you may wish to protect your rights and assets. Keep in mind that when you separate from a compulsive gambler, this can cause them to become even more involved in the gambling world as they no longer have to worry about you becoming angry or upset with them. A lawyer might recommend taking actions to protect yourself, such as:

1. Collect statements and receipts from any shared checking or savings accounts. You and your spouse have to show how much money was deposited and withdrawn from each account.
2. Collect tax returns, pay stubs, or other documents showing how much money you and your spouse make.
3. Gather any bills and debts that you and your spouse share.
4. Request a credit report to find out whether there are any signs of credit problems due to your spouse’s gambling problems.

Some people may want to take the extra step of opening a bank account, moving money into that account, and taking belongings or possessions with them when they move out. However, you must be very careful when doing this, as it could look like you are hiding assets during the divorce process. You should contact a Rockville divorce lawyer as soon as possible for help and guidance related to protecting your assets in a way that will not violate the law or backfire. Your attorney can listen to what you are going through and help you take the necessary steps based on your unique situation and circumstances.

Documentation when preparing to divorce a compulsive gambler

To prove wasteful use of marital assets or accumulating debts due to your spouse’s compulsive gambling, you may want to collect as much documentation as you can. The more financial information you have, the more evidence your attorney will have to build your case. These documents can include:

• Basic family expenses (receipts, invoices, bank account transactions)
• Bank account statements
• Retirement and investment account statements
• Credit card balances and statements
• Mortgage and credit lines
• Property deeds
• Insurance policies
• Pay stubs
• Tax returns
• Pre- or post-nuptial agreements

Your Rockville divorce attorney can assess how much your spouse has affected your family’s finances and how much, if any, you should be responsible for during asset division. We also recommend taking a look at our blog, “Protecting Your Credit Score During a Divorce,” to safeguard your financial future.

In the meantime, you may want to check out these resources for problem gamblers and their loved ones for further assistance:

• Maryland Center of Excellence on Problem Gambling
• National Council on Problem Gambling (NCPG)
• NCPG Counselor Search
• Gamblers Anonymous
• Gam-Anon
• Problem Gambling Screening Tools
• Maryland Problem Gambling Services

The Rockville attorneys at McCabe Russell, P.A. can answer all your questions about divorcing a problem gambler. We understand the financial complexities of this type of case and work towards a fair division of marital assets and to minimize the impact of your spouse’s wrongful spending. If you’re ready to talk, we’re ready to listen and help. Set up a consultation today by calling our offices or contacting us through our contact form. We also maintain offices in Bethesda, Fulton, and Columbia.