Should I Tell My Child’s Teacher We Are Getting Divorced?

Once you and your ex-partner have decided to go public with your divorce, there are a lot of people to tell. You might wonder if it is appropriate to talk to your child’s school. After all, it is your personal family business, right? In this case, however, it is important you do share this information with your child’s teacher. You might think you are protecting your child’s privacy, but it is important that you discuss what is happening with the other caretakers in your child’s life.

A 2015 study by VitalSmarts showed that 94% of teachers feel it is important that parents inform them of a divorce, yet only 23% of divorcing parents said that they told their child’s teacher they were, in fact, splitting up. The study’s co-author David Maxfield said, “When life-altering events occur in the home that have potential to affect a child’s behavior and performance in the classroom, parents fail to share this information with the teachers who are trying to help their child succeed.”

Telling your child’s teacher about your divorce

It may be difficult to talk about your separation and divorce, but it is in your child’s best interest, and keeps lines of communication open with you, their teacher, and your ex. It might feel prudent to tell your child’s teacher about your split before you tell your child, but tell your child first. You never know if extenuating circumstances might come up, or a miscommunication might occur, and your child could find out about your divorce from their teacher instead of you. Don’t let your child feel betrayed.

You can tell the teacher soon after you have told your child, and ask the teacher to keep an eye out for any changes in behavior. You can also follow up a few weeks later to get an idea of how your child is coping.

Stick to the facts and the facts only when telling anyone at school about the divorce. Your conversations with the teacher are not going to be confidential, and could be shared with the school counselor, principal, and other teachers. If there are third parties involved in the divorce, keep them out of it. Your child’s school should be a safe and drama-free place for them to go each day.

Make it easier for everyone by working in tandem with your ex in terms of staying in contact with the school. Again, school should be a drama-free place for your child, so both parents should be involved in school activities, homework, and extra-curricular events. Both parents should be in touch with teachers to see how the child is doing. Ensure you’re both informed about grades and activities—most schools today have a website or email that keeps everyone up to date. Make sure you and your ex have updated your contact information as appropriate for regular and emergency contact.

At McCabe Russell, PA, we help families move through divorce and begin to heal. Our family law attorneys in Fulton can be trusted to help protect your best interests and those of your children. To speak with an experienced lawyer serving Howard County clients today, please call 443-812-1435 or fill out our contact form. We also maintain offices in Columbia, Rockville and Bethesda.